It’s difficult to hear hard stories. I’ve been on both ends of these conversations. I’ve shared my own personal difficult stories and been met with quick answers or uncomfortable silence. I felt shamed, misunderstood, and lonely. I’ve also been trusted with others’ scary and sad details and have wanted to run or change the subject. We want to fix things. We want happy endings. But sometimes we don’t have the answer. Can we live with that?? It’s excruciating to sit with a racing heart and feel impotent. It takes great maturity in the Lord to hang in there. A challenge that I have strived to meet is to listen with empathy. Often, my role is not to diagnose or to fix. I’m not a trained counselor and I have no experience with legal matters, but by being available to listen, things come to light. As Julie said, it’s helpful for a person in an unhealthy marriage to have an opportunity to verbalize. We can gently ask questions and draw out a hurting friend without the motivation to provide a solution. Is there a time to give advice? Of course! Is there a time to recommend a book or a counselor? For sure! But let’s ask God for stamina, wisdom, and the grace to listen.
– Dede
Real Moms. Real Life. 